Respect – You Have To Earn It
Are you respected as a leader? We all desire to be respected. However, not all leaders have the respect of those they lead. Once respect is lost, it is very difficult and in many cases impossible, to regain it. Leaders must have the respect of those they lead to be able to accomplish the mission.
In August, at the Monthly Leadership Seminar, I taught a lesson entitled “Respect – You Have to Earn It”. Click here for the outline. We examined five qualities that help a leader gain respect.
1. Success: Past, Present & Future
• Having track record – past success helps a leader. At the least it buys them a little time.
• Past success is helpful but people want leaders who are competent, leaders they have confidence in because they are leading well today.
• Leaders who communicate future possibilities along with a strategy to achieve them also gain respect.
2. Character/Integrity
• Gain respect by demonstrating integrity. Keep commitments, honesty, ethics, and trustworthiness.
• Treat others, regardless of position, with dignity and respect.
3. Courage
• Leaders gain respect by making the hard calls. Do what is right and best and you will gain respect. Likely there will be times when you aren’t liked by all, but you will be respected.
4. Respect For Others
• The “Golden Rule” really is golden. Establish a culture of respect, dignity and professionalism.
I came across your blog when reading Chris Stephen’s blog. Your posts are spot on and very helpful. I especially liked this post. I’ve heard the question asked is it better to be loved as a leader or feared as a leader. I don’t like either of those options. I think it’s best to be respected. Thanks for outlining what that means.
Scott
• Be respectful of those who disagree with you.
5. Effective Communication
• Communicate your vision for “what could be” in your organization or team.
• Listen. Really listen.
• Respect important messages often.
What other ways can a leader earn respect?
You cannot demand respect, you have to earn it.
ReplyDeleteYou will ultimately be judged by your actions rather than your position or title. Your behaviour has a greater influence on the respect that you get from others, than the position that you hold.
However the higher your position, the greater your ability to influence others, the greater your responsibility to behave and perform well, to be a positive example.
Here it is important to realise that you are playing many roles and filling many positions, that of parent, grand parent, husband, wife, lover, friend, employee, employer, citizen, brother, sister (older or younger) aunt, uncle, leader, follower etc..... etc..... etc..... These roles constantly interact with each other and your behaviour in one will influence your performance in the others.
Too many people attach greater importance to the title than to the person. They believe that if a person fills that position then he/she must be better than the rest of us.
Giving respect to the title means that we tend to overlook, or to justify, the actions of the person holding the title. We create the impression that there are certain rights that go with the title and completely overlook the responsibilities of the title holder.
There is a constant admonishment to children to "Respect your Elders". I disagree with this as there are many "Elders" who are not worthy of respect. The fact that you are older than me does not entitle you to respect. If you want respect then you first have to be both, respectful and respectable
Irrespective of the position that you hold in life, your actions and behaviour will determine how much other people respect you. Are your actions worthy of the position that you hold. What example are you setting, remember You cannot demand respect, you have to earn it.
Affirmation
I find my significance in the value of my actions and contributions
Why do you have to earn respect?
ReplyDeleteonce respect was given freely and you lost it if you acted unfairly, now it seems none is given initially you need to earn it?
do you agree?
can you explain it?
where will today view of 'respect' take us?
You have to earn respect because you get what you give in this world. Not only do you have to earn it, you have to DEMAND it. You surely know that. I personally don't believe in just GIVING respect to people. If they treat me with respect, I will respond in kind. If they don't, I will treat them just as badly. I never bought into that whole "respect your elders" ?, either. Why should somebody have the right to disrespect me just because they are older than me but I'm forbidden to respond the same way? I'm sorry, but I just don't think so. I don't have a problem with the earning respect thing because I DO earn respect. I DO demand respect. The way to earn respect is to give respect when it's deserved, to walk tall, to be strong and stand up for yourself, your family and your convictions. The way to demand respect is not to settle for disrespect or let it go unpunished. Ever.
Respect is a big word in my life. Respect is all any of us really has, in the end. I will not allow someone to disrespect me. Not in any way. And I respond in kind. However I am approached, that is how I respond. Always. If you have issue with this, or feel you are often disrespected, maybe you should examine your own behavior.
I explain it by saying that people treat each other worse and worse as the years go by and we as humans simply cannot afford to be so trusting in each other anymore. Therefore, we withold our respect and trust and faith in someone until we see they deserve it. I see nothing wrong with this either.
Not only that but why respect someone who has done nothing to earn it? What medals are pinned to their chest, so to speak? If you give your respect to a person who doesn't deserve it, aren't you REALLY disrespecting yourself?
solid honesty-good!
You're a wise lass, but the more people use the guilty till proven innocent attitude to their fellow man, the more it'll seem like people treat each other worse & worse as the years go by.
I won't stop acting with respect in case i get dissed, that's way aloof to my mind!
Teachers Must Earn Respect
ReplyDeleteWarning: If you are a new teacher, please do not sabotage your career by making the biggest mistake most teachers make when they first start teaching. What mistake is that you ask? It’s being a hypocrite. Ouch! I know that’s harsh, but allow me to explain.
One of the most common questions I get asked during my teacher training workshops is, “What can we do to get our students to be more respectful?” In other words, many educators complain that many students talk back, misbehave, and “act out” with little regard for the teacher and/or his or her classmates.
My first response to this question is, “What have you done to earn their respect”?
...continued
The truth is…times have changed. Long gone are the days when a teacher’s presence alone demanded respect – from students as well as parents. Today, in a society where good morals are on the decline, while self-centeredness is on the incline, we can’t afford to educate students like our teachers once did “back in the day.” We have to get respect the hard way; we have to earn it.
I think one of the best ways to earn a student’s respect in the classroom is by becoming the kind of person your students want to become. Put another way, if your students don’t want “to become” you (i.e., duplicate your success), then you don’t need “to be” there. We’re talking about integrity. Whenever we promote success to students without first modeling it, then we’re seen as hypocrites in their eyes, even if they don’t admit it. In addition, we lose credibility in the classroom.
I personally believe that as teachers, others should want what we have. I’m not talking about material possessions, position, power, or perceived status; I’m talking about good character. Character is something money can’t buy but everyone admires and respects – even if they don’t like you personally.
This is one of the most basic principles to successful teaching; however, it’s one of the most difficult lessons for us to learn as teachers. The truth of the matter is, whenever we (as teachers) step into a classroom or in front of a group of students (especially middle and high school students), they’re are already “sizing us up” to see how they will treat and respond to us. If you don’t believe me, that only means you’ve never been a substitute teacher or you’ve never had one.
The #1 question a student has in his or her mind when they first meet you is “Who are you?” Trust me, you need to generate a response that’s much greater than the sound of your name. Unless your last name is Winfrey, Gates, or Woods, you’re going to have to earn the respect of your students. Who you are to them must speak louder than the actual words you use. In other words, the presence of your character should speak before you ever utter your
Gaining the Respect of Your Co-workers
ReplyDelete“I get no respect!” The words made famous by actor Rodney Dangerfield beg to ask the question, “Do you have the respect of your co-workers”?
We all want the respect of our co-workers, but it doesn’t come automatically, no matter what your position is or how many initials you have after your name. Respect is not a right; it is an earned privilege that can be broken in an instant with a bad choice. We all have a horror story about co-workers that we, ourselves, don’t respect, and people will be quick to tell you why they do not respect others.
Today, let’s shift the focus to what we can do to earn more respect in the workplace:
1. Mean what you say: Promise very rarely, but deliver on every promise. Be very, very certain you can provide before you make the promise, otherwise say, “I’ll try.
2. Say what you mean: Because things can be easily misunderstood, speak clearly and concisely. Make certain you are understood by asking the recipient to paraphrase back what they heard.
3. Don’t be condescending: No one likes to be treated like they are stupid. It’s not so much our words, but sometimes our tone and body language that leaves something to be desired, especially when we are in a hurry.
4. Praise good work sincerely and validate others: Recognize everyone has something to offer: the housekeeper who has the opportunity to comfort a bereaved family member while you are busy making the necessary calls; the ward clerk who makes your job easier; the nurse’s aid who takes the time to fix someone hair and give them a real ‘lift.’ It is our job as leaders to help bring out the best in others, even it’s not obvious to all. Try to notice little things done well and mention them.
5. Don’t know everything!: Ask for advice, input, suggestions. If you already knew the answer to the question, resist the temptation to say so, and say "thank you". If someone offers a great idea, don’t "one up it”, let them own it and take pride in it.
6. Honesty matters, always: If you made a mistake, admit it, if you aren’t certain, say so, if you need help, ask for it. Always discipline privately, not in front of others. Don’t talk about anyone behind their back, ever. Make it a personal law.
7. Increase your competence: Subscribe to lifelong learning and continuing growth, and develop yourself personally & professionally. Freely share with others who are interested, encourage others, and be open to change.
We cannot demand respect, we cannot force respect. The bottom line is ground your actions from a place of integrity. Do the right thing. If you always come from a place of integrity, your co-workers may not always agree with you, they may not always like you, you may not always be right, but you will have the peace of mind that comes from trying your best and making the best decision you could at the time with the information you had available.